One aspect of this life of ours is the strange combination of sporadic urgent existential demands on our time (i.e., things that must be dealt with for the boat and us to continue to exist) combined with periodic complete lack of outside demands on our time. The existential demands range from major system failures (like our battery charging issues), to important but not immediately critical issues (like why does our primary navigation instrument not turn on). These high-impact failures and problems must be addressed when they occur, and per the BTSD post earlier, they inevitably involve the lazarette and/or the electrical panel and are especially fun when we are under way and the boat is bouncing around and one of us has to stay on deck to keep the boat under control while the other struggles mightily to repair whatever has broken.
On the other hand, we have times where there are certainly lists of things we could do, but there is nothing urgent that must be done. Like many of you, I have had many years of always having long to-do lists of work-related, home-related and “wanna do” things and relaxation and “selfish time” had to be scheduled in with all the rest. There are now times when we are at anchor or in a marina and there is literally nothing that must be done. Yes of course there is the list of things that should be done at some point, but none are urgent. I actually find this disconcerting. It makes me restless and unsettled.
During times like these, two of my many personalities usually start arguing back and forth. One with the long list of “should do” things (and as you all know, “should do” lists typically drag on and on since higher priority things are always adding themselves to the list), and the other
personality prompting me with the “relax, nothing needs to be done, enjoy the moment” message. So even when I can just chill, it is often difficult for me to do this.
This is probably some kind of personality disorder, but it is the way I’ve been wired all my life. Ironically, as much as I grumble about the crises that frequently arise, there is a certain satisfaction in having a critical failure pop up and having to find a way to fix it or manage around it. We had way too many of these in our first few weeks and they continue to pop up occasionally, but at a much more manageable pace. There is admittedly a certain rush to dealing with these that is satisfying.
There is a deeper question in this as well: What is the meaning of a life where there are very minimal demands from other people? Biblically we are taught two major precepts: 1) to put God first in our lives, and 2) to put others 2nd (and therefore above ourselves). Religious beliefs aside, in “normal” life we are peppered by needs and demands from other people. At work, coworkers and customers need help, direction or answers. At home, there are lots of ongoing maintenance needs and family needs that we spend time and energy on. At church our financial giving and our time in worship and other areas support the church and the broader community. Here, it is just us. We have no obligations to anyone else in the whole country of the Bahamas!
This nomadic cruising life is by nature pretty self-centered. Where do we want to go, what do we want to do, what do I want to eat, and similar questions are pretty much the extent of the big questions in our lives. Although we have met other cruisers and Bahamians, few lasting relationships get established. Our budget limits financial support of local worthy causes, and cultural differences make it hard to discern when help for others is really needed, acceptable and welcome.
I find this all unsettling at times. I get grumpy and discontented. Mary Beth does not really suffer from this malady for some reason, so it is hard for her to understand how I can seem unhappy when all is right with the world. I have discovered it can be contagious after awhile which is bad. She’s pretty mean when she catches it but fortunately her bouts are usually very short.
So while I deal with the unsettled feelings that I have at times, I do believe that life needs to be about more than selfish pleasure. We will just have to trust that God will put the right things infront of us at the right time. In the meantime, perhaps something else on the boat will break…
about more than selfish pleasure. We will just have to trust that God will put the right things in front of us at the right time. In the meantime, perhaps something else on the boat will break…